Guest Post: The Magic of Love

So here’s another guest post, this one a romance story by my other sister, Heather.

Once upon a time there was a very handsome centaur who lived in the dark forest. The forest was dark even during the day because the evil wizard cast a spell on the forest to make it dark. This meant that none of the vegetation could survive so the dark forest was actually a dark patch of dirt.

The handsome centaur was single. All his less handsome friends were married already, so his parents constantly suggested girls he could ask out. The handsome centaur always had excuses why he didn’t want to date people. One was too old. Another was too young. Another was too goofy-looking.

One day the handsome centaur was walking through the dark forest when he met a beautiful centauress. Which is like a centaur except female. She was very pretty and not too old. The handsome centaur fell in love immediately. He started blabbering and waving his arms about. His mind had disconnected because she was so beautiful. The beautiful centauress was grossed out and left. The handsome centaur never saw her again and he died heartbroken and alone which only goes to show that romance novels are hard to write.


The Old Man and the Ocean

An Original Story

The fisherman went out on his boat one morning. He wanted to catch fish. He brought his fish catching apparatus and bread. He caught fish with the apparatus and then put the fish in the bread and sold fish sandwiches to the other fishermen. They were happy that they didn’t have to catch their own fish until they ran out of money. Then they went fishing and got money. Through the sale of fish, not straight from the ocean.

One day, Bob, one of the other fishermen, decided he had had enough. Quite enough. He rolled up his sleeves, and then changed into a short-sleeved shirt because that was annoying. Then he went to meet his destiny.

Meanwhile, Bob’s destiny was walking along. His destiny was a girl that he was going to marry, but I won’t talk about that here; spoilers. Her name was Jill. She met Bob and they got married, after a sufficient courtship.

But let’s return to our hero. He is a great hero, even though he is only a fisherman (not that that isn’t a great carrier) and an old man to boot. Not that you should boot him, he might fall out of his boat. And he only sells fish sandwiches, which he may or may not clean the fish of. I didn’t say. I remember this tale from when I was a kid. I am the narrator.

But anyway, the old fisherman. He was the hero, yet he did nothing heroic. He thought about settling for being a protagonist, but I told him that I would be a narrator, and that he shouldn’t sell himself short. I told him he was the hero of the story, so he had jolly well better hop to.

That was when he began to be a hero.

Chapter 2

It started simple. I agreed to help him be the hero. I agreed to be the villain so he could be the hero. I went up to Bob and Jill and pushed Bob in the water. The old fisherman jumped in and saved him. That was heroic. I got in trouble, but it was worth it, because now he is a hero.

The next event was when a dragon landed on the village and started to terrorize the populace. I didn’t need to help the old man to be the hero because he was autonomous, like great heroes are. He swung to the rescue from the mast of his ship, and kicked the dragon, and threw one of the sandwiches of which the fish had not been properly cleaned down its throat, which grossed it out. It left and did not return for at least 40 minutes. That was a great victory.

In the new village, he began being a hero again. The old fisherman, not the dragon. The dragon was a right old jerkface right up until the end. But I won’t spoil that either. The old man crashed his boat into him though, it was pretty sweet.

Meanwhile, the old man defeated the enemies and saved the day. We wished he had saved the village instead, but the day was good too.

In the next village, we had a strict “no enemies” policy. Unfortunately, the enemies didn’t respect that, so we decided that we were the enemies of our enemies. We had to leave the town.

In the next town, we declared a malleable “no enemies” policy, where we could bend the rules and not leave our homes. The old man was still there. With us. The village was a new one though. He was heroic, let me tell you.

Then one day I decided to go for a walk. I walked up into the hills, and smelled the flowers and sunshine and trees. It was very beautiful. It made me think. I thought it was time for lunch. I went home.

Once upon a time, I think, is a good way to start a story. This is not the beginning, but like the wind in Wheel of Time books, it is a beginning. So I can say that.

Once upon a time, the old fisherman decided to sail out to catch fish and return home to sell them. It was a good plan. He did it every day.

An architectural mystery

One of the main attractions in Paris is the famous Basilique du Sacré-Coeur (Basilisk of the Sacred Heart). A basilisk, as everyone knows from Harry Potter, is a mythological reptile that turns people to stone. I have never seen the one in Paris do this. In fact, it doesn’t look much like a reptile at all. However, it is common in nature for animals to disguise themselves to fit in with their surroundings, and Paris is chock full of large stone edifices. The basilisk has remained dormant so far, and many wonder when it will wake up and terrorize the Parisians and tourists. Others argue that it really is a large stone building, and is in fact named after the beast that turned it to stone in the first place, the original building having been made from wood or straw. Of course, there are always those skeptics that dig up contrived evidence (i.e., the dictionary) and say that the proper English translation is “basilica”, but that’s just nitpicking, since I am fairly certain that “basilica” is Spanish for “basilisk”. Is it building or beast? Perhaps this mystery will be forever lost in time.